Finding Your Voice and Keeping it Safe is today’s Pep Talks with Kimberly.
In my last Pep Talk, we explored how to live in a higher vibration, regardless of others’ words or actions in Rise Above And Stand In Your Power.
A friend who started me on this path also shared another experience they were struggling with—feeling like they had no voice in a particular relationship.
I’ve been there. From 2015 to 2022, my entire focus was on learning to speak up, find my voice, and establish strong boundaries.
And it is HARD. When you’ve spent most of your life—childhood through adulthood—feeling like your voice, thoughts, beliefs, and boundaries don’t matter, it becomes a deeply ingrained story you tell yourself.
For many of us who’ve dealt with this, silence becomes a default. Some of it comes from learned suppression or oppression, some from abuse, and many other experiences that teach us our voice doesn’t matter. And let me be clear: Anyone who diminishes you, tells you that you are nothing—even without raising their voice—is emotionally abusive.
There was a post recently that resonated deeply with me:
For me, like for many others, I learned not to speak. It wasn’t safe in many ways.
At some point in your life—and your transformational and healing journey—you have to learn that you are safe because you keep yourself safe.
I’ve been through emotional, verbal, physical, financial, and sexual abuse in different forms. It wasn’t until I was seeing a counselor after my first divorce that I realized how many of the things that happened to me were forms of abuse, even if they didn’t fit the traditional, widely recognized forms.
Being quiet and unassuming kept me safe. Going along to get along kept me safe.
I want to take a moment here to acknowledge that some of you might be in situations where you are not physically safe, and I see you. I love you. I’ve got you. Some of what I’m sharing may not feel safe for you at this moment in your life, and I respect that.
But for me now—and for my friend, whom I was giving this advice to—I am safe because I keep myself safe. And in order to heal and reclaim my voice, I have to use it.
In my friend’s situation, I told them it was okay to stand up for themselves with the person who was emotionally abusive. It’s okay to learn how to take back your voice and power, even in these difficult relationships.
Tips for Regaining Your Voice and Setting Boundaries
Start Small: If you’ve been silenced for a long time, it can feel overwhelming to speak up. Start with small steps. Practice saying “no” to minor requests that don’t align with your needs or values. Each time you do, you build confidence and strength.
Use “I” Statements: When you’re ready to assert yourself, use “I” statements. This helps keep the focus on your feelings and needs, rather than blaming others. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when…” or “I need space to recharge.”
Set Clear Boundaries: Boundaries are essential to protecting your emotional and physical space. Practice saying “no” without guilt. You are allowed to say no to requests that drain you or make you uncomfortable. Setting clear, firm boundaries is a powerful form of self-care.
Affirmations and Empowering Self-Talk: When reclaiming your voice, it’s important to challenge the negative beliefs that have kept you quiet. Affirmations like “My voice matters,” “I have the right to be heard,” or “I am worthy of respect” can help reprogram your mind. Say these affirmations daily, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable.
Find Support: It’s crucial to surround yourself with people who encourage and support your healing journey. Find safe, understanding friends, family, or even professional counselors who can guide you in setting boundaries and asserting your voice. You are not alone.
Practice Self-Compassion: Regaining your voice and setting boundaries takes time. Be patient with yourself. Celebrate the small victories, whether it’s speaking up in a conversation or standing firm in your boundaries. Every step forward is a win.
Visualize Speaking Up: Visualization is a powerful tool. Picture yourself confidently asserting your boundaries and speaking your truth. Visualizing these scenarios in your mind helps prepare you for real-life moments and boosts your self-assurance.
You have the power to reclaim your voice and your boundaries. It may feel difficult at first, but with each step, you grow stronger and more confident. Remember, healing is a journey, and every small action counts. You are worthy of being heard, and your voice is powerful.
With love,
Kimberly
P.S. If you’d like to connect for a reading, clearing, or other spiritual guidance, please email me at [email protected]
Have you ever had someone in your life that keeps you feeling small?
Talks about you behind your back, tells other lies about you, talks down to you?
And the other people who believe them spread more.
Many of us have. Especially those of us who are empaths, intuitives and healing ourselves to live in a higher vibration.
A friend and colleague recently confided in me how that affected them when someone believed what other people said about them. And how much it hurt and caused feelings of unworthiness. How much they wanted everyone to like them.
And it gave me a moment (or 45 minutes actually) to share some of what I’ve learned over the years. Bits and pieces of wisdom, advice, memes, quotes or personal learned experiences and LOADS of transformative work on myself.
And when I told them all the things I’ve written below to share with you, they told me I needed to write this down for them so they could read it over and over again. And dubbed it Pep Talk from Kimberly. And so a new blog was born! And a huge thank you to them for a new way for me to write and bring forth my own knowledge and wisdom.
There Will Always Be Sheep
When people choose to believe something someone told them without hesitation or questioning, are they the ones whose opinion of you should matter?
They’re sheep. From my experience, these people are easily swayed, manipulated, and malleable. This isn’t a judgment—it’s simply an observation. Many of these individuals are genuinely kind, good-hearted people. But they tend to operate at a lower vibration and will likely stay there.
Then, there are those who not only believe but are just like the ones spreading lies. It boosts their ego to tear someone else down. Jealousy, unresolved trauma, insecurity—they all play a role. These are often not the nicest people. I’ve had my share of experiences with people who believed an ex of mine, spreading hurtful stories, and holding grudges. I remember them from school—where I was kind to them—but their memory of me didn’t reflect mine, and they let me know it.
And you know what? That’s okay.
Hurt People Hurt People
And then there are the ones who started the lies or rumors. They do it because they’re not at peace with themselves. They need you to be the villain in their story. They need to twist the narrative to make themselves look better. Sometimes it’s driven by narcissism, sometimes by bullying, sometimes by a sense of insecurity. Whatever the reason, they’re looking for validation in the wrong places.
And here’s the real lesson in all of this: None of that matters.
A meme, a quote, or a simple social media post has stuck with me over the years. It goes like this: “What someone else thinks of you is none of your business.”
That was a life-changing realization for me. I learned that the only thing that can make me feel hurt, angry, or upset is me—how I choose to react.
You have the power to control your response, your self-talk, and how you rise above it all. That’s what you can control. You cannot control someone else’s opinion, words, or behavior.
Yes, it’s okay to say, “Ouch, that hurt.”
It’s perfectly fine to comfort that vulnerable part of you that feels wounded. Especially if it’s the “little you” inside, the one who just wants to feel safe, accepted, and liked.
Part of healing is being able to acknowledge and talk to the parts of you that get triggered.
Tell that part, “We’re safe now. We can speak up for ourselves. I’ve got this. Thank you for protecting us, but I’ve got us now.”
Stand in Your Higher Vibration
There will always be people who vibrate at a lower frequency. But when you surround yourself with higher vibrational people, those lower vibrations simply can’t touch you anymore. And, in fact, they start to fade away.
You don’t have to give your power away to people who live in negativity. When you let their words or actions influence how you see yourself or make you shrink down and lose your voice, they win.
Instead, stand tall. Recognize your worth and hold onto your own vibration. The more you do, the less their negativity will even have room to reach you.
Create Your Own Reality
It’s easy to let the words or actions of others define how you feel about yourself. But the truth is, your reality is something you create every day. You have the power to design your thoughts, your emotions, and ultimately, your life.
When people project negativity or doubt onto you, don’t let it stick. Imagine a bubble around you that repels anything that isn’t in alignment with your highest good. It’s your reality, and you are the author. You decide what stays and what goes.
By choosing to see yourself as worthy and whole, no one can take that away from you. You are in control of the narrative.
Don’t Let Their Journey Be Your Own
Sometimes, people try to drag you into their drama, their story, or their struggle. They want you to carry the weight of their negative emotions, their limitations, and their insecurities. But their journey doesn’t need to be yours.
It’s crucial to protect your energy. Recognize when someone’s chaos is spilling over and threatening to take you down with it. The key is not to absorb their issues but to create space for your own peace and well-being.
It’s perfectly fine to say no to the energy that isn’t yours to hold. You are not obligated to carry anyone else’s emotional baggage. Honor your boundaries, and remember that your peace is sacred.
My Final Thoughts
We are all healing and imperfect in our own ways. The reality is, we cannot control how others view us, react to us, or behave toward us. We are not responsible for their feelings or actions, especially in their reaction to our boundaries.
You are allowed to walk away from people who no longer serve your growth. You are allowed to create your own circle of friends or found family. You are allowed to say no to toxic or unhealthy energy and people.
There’s no need to hold on to relationships out of a sense of obligation—whether due to family ties or the history of long friendships—when that relationship has outlived its purpose in your life. We don’t owe anyone our energy, love, or time simply because of past connections.
Loss is part of life, and it’s a grieving process. It’s not just death that we grieve. Any change, shift, or cutoff in our life can bring grief.
My last piece of advice is this: Don’t bypass the grieving process. You may never get closure with toxic people, and that can be one of life’s toughest lessons to learn. But when we give ourselves the space to grieve those losses, we become more equipped to remember why we made the decision to move on from that person or situation in the first place.
With love,
Kimberly
P.S. And if you’d like to connect for a reading, clearing or other spiritual guidance, please email me at [email protected]
