Finding Your Voice and Keeping it Safe is today’s Pep Talks with Kimberly.
In my last Pep Talk, we explored how to live in a higher vibration, regardless of others’ words or actions in Rise Above And Stand In Your Power.
A friend who started me on this path also shared another experience they were struggling with—feeling like they had no voice in a particular relationship.
I’ve been there. From 2015 to 2022, my entire focus was on learning to speak up, find my voice, and establish strong boundaries.
And it is HARD. When you’ve spent most of your life—childhood through adulthood—feeling like your voice, thoughts, beliefs, and boundaries don’t matter, it becomes a deeply ingrained story you tell yourself.
For many of us who’ve dealt with this, silence becomes a default. Some of it comes from learned suppression or oppression, some from abuse, and many other experiences that teach us our voice doesn’t matter. And let me be clear: Anyone who diminishes you, tells you that you are nothing—even without raising their voice—is emotionally abusive.
There was a post recently that resonated deeply with me:
For me, like for many others, I learned not to speak. It wasn’t safe in many ways.
At some point in your life—and your transformational and healing journey—you have to learn that you are safe because you keep yourself safe.
I’ve been through emotional, verbal, physical, financial, and sexual abuse in different forms. It wasn’t until I was seeing a counselor after my first divorce that I realized how many of the things that happened to me were forms of abuse, even if they didn’t fit the traditional, widely recognized forms.
Being quiet and unassuming kept me safe. Going along to get along kept me safe.
I want to take a moment here to acknowledge that some of you might be in situations where you are not physically safe, and I see you. I love you. I’ve got you. Some of what I’m sharing may not feel safe for you at this moment in your life, and I respect that.
But for me now—and for my friend, whom I was giving this advice to—I am safe because I keep myself safe. And in order to heal and reclaim my voice, I have to use it.
In my friend’s situation, I told them it was okay to stand up for themselves with the person who was emotionally abusive. It’s okay to learn how to take back your voice and power, even in these difficult relationships.
Tips for Regaining Your Voice and Setting Boundaries
- Start Small: If you’ve been silenced for a long time, it can feel overwhelming to speak up. Start with small steps. Practice saying “no” to minor requests that don’t align with your needs or values. Each time you do, you build confidence and strength.
- Use “I” Statements: When you’re ready to assert yourself, use “I” statements. This helps keep the focus on your feelings and needs, rather than blaming others. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when…” or “I need space to recharge.”
- Set Clear Boundaries: Boundaries are essential to protecting your emotional and physical space. Practice saying “no” without guilt. You are allowed to say no to requests that drain you or make you uncomfortable. Setting clear, firm boundaries is a powerful form of self-care.
- Affirmations and Empowering Self-Talk: When reclaiming your voice, it’s important to challenge the negative beliefs that have kept you quiet. Affirmations like “My voice matters,” “I have the right to be heard,” or “I am worthy of respect” can help reprogram your mind. Say these affirmations daily, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable.
- Find Support: It’s crucial to surround yourself with people who encourage and support your healing journey. Find safe, understanding friends, family, or even professional counselors who can guide you in setting boundaries and asserting your voice. You are not alone.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Regaining your voice and setting boundaries takes time. Be patient with yourself. Celebrate the small victories, whether it’s speaking up in a conversation or standing firm in your boundaries. Every step forward is a win.
- Visualize Speaking Up: Visualization is a powerful tool. Picture yourself confidently asserting your boundaries and speaking your truth. Visualizing these scenarios in your mind helps prepare you for real-life moments and boosts your self-assurance.
You have the power to reclaim your voice and your boundaries. It may feel difficult at first, but with each step, you grow stronger and more confident. Remember, healing is a journey, and every small action counts. You are worthy of being heard, and your voice is powerful.
With love,
Kimberly
P.S. If you’d like to connect for a reading, clearing, or other spiritual guidance, please email me at [email protected]